Thursday, July 12, 2012

A wise man fights to win, but he is twice a fool who has no plan for possible defeat

     Well I am officially defeated.  I went into all of this trying my best to keep a positive attitude and trusting that epilepsy would not define who Braydon is and wants to be and I am officially defeated. 

     I am not naive and I knew deep down that I would have days, weeks, heck even months like this however I really thought I had it all under control.  I cannot get a Dr. Appt with his Dr.  It is stressing me out to the max.  I need to look in someones eyes and explain the emotional toll that this has taken on the entire family, I need someone to recognize my pain, someone to recognize that Braydon is in pain.  I need someone to bring Shawns worries and concerns to the surface so that he quits sugar coating everything in our lives right now. 

     Our June 15th appt was cancelled due to the Dr. having an emergency.  I have yet to hear back for a make up date and everyone I talk to tells me more likely than not it will be December before we see him.  I will lose my mind before then.  I am sure at the office I have been flagged the crazy mom and for once i don't care.  I call ALL the time and it gets me no where.  I either have nice people tell me they will call me back and never do or rude people who tell me I'm not going to get what i want. 

      Will these feelings and frustrations pass.....OF COURSE
       Will I get to feeling better soon........Of COURSE
       Will Braydon ever be the same........I don't know and that is what scares me..........

     SO today I am going Bowling with Braydons class and i will forget about all the craziness that is Epilepsy for the day and remember that all things will pass given the right amount of time and courage.

     On a side note it was 9 years ago today that my daddy passed I am sure that is playing a part in my emotional mess today!! 

    Also to all my readers out there I have started reading a new Book Ryan P Means Rockin int he free world!   I recommend it to ALL people and here is a short video about the book.  FYI it WILL make you cry!!!video   Enjoy!!

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