One word, One diagnosis, One eventful Life.
I'm trying to remind myself of the days after Braydon had his seizure. Seems like an eternity ago but in reality just shy of 3 years. Immediately after he had his first seizure I believed he had a brain tumor or something equally as tragic. In my immediate mind he was dying. I know that's horrible to say but as most mothers do I thought the worst.
So a few short days later we were told he had epilepsy. To this day I smile a little bit at the conversation with Dr. Quevaz. I laughed because I was relieved to know he was in fact "fine". Crazy to think that those words calmed me down but they did. The unknown is always worse than knowing what demons you have to fight.
So here I am a few years later, probably a little whiny cause my husband is out of town, bummed. I've told myself since the get go that Braydon would be a normal kid, but he's not no matter how hard I try. Yesterday and today are a perfect example. He started feeling bad yesterday, running a fever, throwing up etc. After taking him to the Dr I should be able to let my 13 year old stay at home for at least an hour or two by himself. Do I "Need" to go to work? No, I'm positive life went on without me, but I wanted to be there even for an hour. But he cant be alone..... We are taking a trip with church this weekend and the bathing suit I ordered Claudia wont be in on time, I need to go get her one.....But he cant be alone. I wanted to pick up his prescriptions and let him rest.....But he cant be alone
Being sick increases his chance of a seizure by 50-75%. This is crazy and luckily he is a pretty healthy kid who very rarely gets sick. These are the little things that frustrate me and remind me that this could always be worse. In two weeks he will be entering into some neuropsychological testing.......and again we are entering into the "unknown demon" territory.
B never throws himself a pitty party and never complains about his problems, he in my heart and mind is pretty amazing. He never complains.....welllllll he is dying to take a bath 🛀 and can't without mom or dad in the bathroom, so he chooses not to lol!! He complains about that a lot!!! But he really has been dealt a crappy hand of cards for the past few years. And he never complains........
In two weeks we enter the unknown again and who knows maybe it will be a different outcome. Maybe this time the answers wont be what I want to hear or who knows maybe they will be exactly what I want to hear. I'm anxious and nervous and ready for our adversity to be over it now I know....to let go. Give it to God cause worry and stressing does not fight the demons. Prayer does....so I'm going to try that for a while, stay tuned I will let you all know how it goes!!!