Monday, March 26, 2012

Ready to talk about it........

     Okay not 100% sure what happened between last week and today but I'm ready to talk about the day Braydon has his seizure.  I know I have talked about it, however no one, not even Shawn knows how I truly felt and the thoughts going through my mind.  Those untold thoughts are eating at me and need to be let out, just not ready to talk to any one person about it face to face, so I'm going to tell everyone and anyone who will listen in a blog.

     The day was BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!  It was so sunny and warm and I was eating up the sun!!  I could not wait to take the kids to the park so they could play.  I got some serious sun and they left tired, everyone was happy!!  We went shopping and bought some skeletoes for the kids, got some ice cream and headed for the park.  Shawn was at the shooting range with his BFF Aaron and his wife Michelle and myself hung out for the day.  Michelle and I sat on the little parents bench and to be honest I have NO CLUE what we were talking about.  You learn how not important some details are in a story like this.

     As we were sitting and chit chatting, you know what all us women do, a lady frantic comes running to the bench and says "A child has fallen and is having a seizure does he belong to anyone?"  Please understand when I say heart was in my shoes.  I jumped from the seat leaving behind my two favorite items, my coach purse and my camera and ran like my life depended on it.....cause at this point I thought it did.  The "he" she was talking about was my Braydon and I knew it.  So as I am running I ask the lady for a description of the child and she says " A boy 10-14 years old"  and my knees got very very weak.

     As I am running around a corner I saw the blue and black sckechers that I fought with him earlier that day to wear shaking.  At this point all I could see was the shoes.  I round the corner and there is B, unconscious still shaking a bit (but the large part of the seizure was over), foaming at the mouth and I lost it.  My knees went weak and I screamed at the top of my lungs, I did not know what else to do.  My thought when I saw him was that he was dying.  With Claudia the thought of her actually dying has never gone through my head.  The girl has been overdosed by a Doctor and quit breathing and her airways shut closed and Ive NEVER had that thought with her.  But with Braydon at that exact moment I really thought he was dying. 

     I could not think straight and I thought the last time I would see him alive was him running into the playground laughing and smiling.  Luckily I snapped too pretty quickly and began the normal "me" stuff and shouting orders to people and yelling for people to do stuff while I thought of the MILLIONS of reasons this could be happening to him.  That is what I do when I can think, I over think......I'm one of the best at it!!!  Once the ambulance was there and they loaded him up I was much better.  I still had not talked to Shawn but he was meeting us at the hospital, one of the many orders I shouted out.  So we get in the back and all loaded up and I did what I do best.....I started making jokes with everyone involved.  Once I got my head on straight I made my first phone call, my mommy!! 

     I tried so hard to be a "big" girl and not cry and stay calm.  My poor mom was flipping out and I knew I needed to put on my happy face and forget ALL the earlier thoughts.  So on the ambulance ride to the hospital I called her and told her.  We got the hospital and they opened up the ambulance doors and there was my poor poor husband, he could barley stand on his own two feet and was a bigger mess than me.  So yet again I stayed strong, trying my hardest not to break down. 

     We made it through this as crazy as it may have been and Braydon is doing AMAZING!!!  But I have never been so scared my entire life........and I remember it every minute of every day.  I kiss him so much more, both kids actually!!!  My mind was changed in a quick second........


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