Shaken to my core does not even begin to describe the past few weeks. When you are told that a little girl you have watched grow up both online and in person passes away very unexpectedly it takes your breath away and honestly I have not caught it back yet.
The next two weeks are super busy and appointment filled for the Fowler Clan. Let me Start with Braydon......
Braydon has a few appointments on Tuesday. The kid is really starting to turn into a medical mystery and it is making me crazy lol. We have a lot of issues to address and one of them is something I don't want to address but feel it necessary. I am starting to wonder if all the medications have finally gotten to him and if he is a bit depressed. I am trying so hard to differentiate what is normal teenage behavior and what is a medicine induced depression and honestly I cant tell. It sucks guys it really does. Pretending everyday I am not worried about him and continuing on with living as normal life as possible. I spend so much of my time stressed that he is not ok and wondering if the way I am handling everything is the wrong way. Just know that you may not realize the struggles people are facing and you may not know what is truly in their heart.
Anyways we have several appointments for him on Tuesday,. Hopefully we will get this all figured out and all my stress and worry is nothing. He also has a new symptom. His right hand is shaking uncontrollably and we have no clue why. Dr. Robinson thinks one of two things. It could by a new type of seizure or toxic levels of Anti Epileptics in his symptom. Neither are a good scenario for us. My heart is breaking for him. I worry day in and day out that he is just in a situation that he will never see himself out of.
Now to Claudia, oh lordy Claudia lol
Claudia has taken up running as a way to let off some steam and I am completely ok with that. However her lungs just suck. She cant seem to recoup after a run and is struggling to catch her breath. We have her inhaler and if she uses it before the run she is better but if she takes off without it she has a very very hard time regulating her breathing. So we are going to see the Dr on Tuesday as well. We are going to see if maybe we can get on a daily medication to help control the asthma. Again it is not a problem until she starts the physical activity. Cheer can be hard on her but honestly nothing is comparing to these mile runs she is taking, they are brutal.
On March 1st we see Dr Schoeneker and we are both excited to see him. He is going to be super proud of all her progress but Claudia is ready to schedule the next surgery to reduce the clicking and resistance in her hip. She cant wait to have full range of motion and shaving down the knot on her bone will allow that. However lately she has been having some serious pain that is consistent with what they believe could be arthritis. She is miserable some days and the pain is so bad her hip physically locks up. So Dr. S wants to discuss with us the possibility of removing some of the metal in her hip to reduce those symptoms. Claudia is begging me to not even consider that because it will be another major surgery and the Knot will be very minor in comparison. We will take it all in and make an informed decision as a family.
My current devils are sadness. I am normally a happy go lucky person and honestly I am sad and stressed right now. Never assume you know what is going on in someones life always take the high road and have some compassion. I think compassion is lacking in so many people these days. Understand that you may have NO CLUE what is going on in someones personal life and that very well may be affecting their normal day to day life. Know that while you may be having a bad day someone might be having it worse.
Try kindness this week and compassion and see how much farther your smile will go.