Friday, July 5, 2013

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.

    I write an awful lot about my kids on here and today I am writing about me.  So here goes.

     Last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder.  There is a spectrum of Bipolar disorder and I fall on the lower end, however I have been diagnosed.  I was diagnosed by a therapist who was unable to medicate me properly so he handed me over to someone who could.  

    I have been taking two medications everyday to balance me out.  The "Dr" who was treating me has never spent more than 5 minutes with me and never really spent the time or cared to take the time to talk to me.  Roughly 2 weeks ago I abruptly stopped taking my meds and went through horrible withdrawals.  I was shaky, tired, sweaty, nauseous, and the list goes on.  Just sucked in general!! 

     I am over the withdrawals but now I must figure out what step is next.  I without a doubt need something to balance me, that is not the question.  But what I do need to figure out is what doctor will be right for me, what medications, and what is best for me.  Shawn is trying so hard to be patient but to be honest, he tends to make things harder without knowing.  God love him he constantly picks the worst possible times to talk about things. 

    My fears are I have passed this horrible thing onto my children.  I see my tendencies in both of them and scares me so bad!!  I pray everyday they will NEVER be like me.  I hope those prayers are heard over all the other ones I have dished out over the past year.

    I am the luckiest person in the world in my support system.  No one judges me, or questions me.  They all listen and only give an opinion when asked.  Today I am finding a new doctor who can properly take care of me.  I am really hoping I can get in sooner rather than later. 

    Anyways to those of you who had no clue.......SURPRISE

    To those that have helped.......Thanks!!!

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