Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Settle down, it'll all be clear Don't pay no mind to the demons They fill you with fear The trouble it might drag you down If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
     Wow!!  These past few months have been very rough for me emotionally.  I feel like I'm finally getting back to myself.  Not that this is ANYONE'S business but I will say this I have decided to start seeing someone for my "demons" that I can't let go of.  You might ask why I'm telling the world and it is because I'm having issue with the fact that I need to talk to someone and I know with every one's support I can do it.
     The past month has been especially miserable.  My marriage to my best friend has taken the worst hit.  You know I hear on a daily basis how perfect Shawn and I are together and as true as that is the past few months have been hell on our marriage!!  Neither one of us sleeps any more, we are constantly at each others throats, and everyday I think of a new creative way to make him miserable!!LOL!! 
      I'm not too worried about it, at the end of the day we both love each other like crazy and we WILL work it out.  So in case any of you man stealer's get any ideas out there he is still off limits!!LOL!!  At the end of the day Love is all you need and I know this is a temporary thing and we do love each other and things will work out.  I'm just trying to be "real" with my current situation. 
    I got a phone call from Vanderbilt today and we had an appointment scheduled for September 14th and apparently the Dr that was going to see him reviewed his file and called his normal neurologist they decided it was not in Braydon's best interest to be seen by anyone other than HIS Neurologist.  So I thought for sure they would tell me October or something equally asinine, but they surprised me with this Thursday at 11:30am.  I'm so excited however last time I got excited to see his Dr.  they called me that morning and cancelled, so I will hold my breath until we actually see the Dr.  This is his first time seeing the Dr since his initial diagnosis!!  WHEW, I'm ready!!
     So the title to this post is a new Song by Phillip Phillips called home and I'm going to break down what it means to me....
Settle down, it'll all be clear  -Just wait and the answers will come, and if you need help find it!!
Don't pay no mind to the demons  -Know that everything will be ok, and when I have the thoughts that they wont, ignore them!!  Everyone has their inner Demons.
They fill you with fear  -Don't let it fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down -Which is what I have allowed my life to be, drug down!!
If you get lost, you can always be found -I'm in the process of being found!! 
Just know you’re not alone-My friends and family will never leave me alone, and I just need to remember that
Cause I’m going to make this place your home-
It will be better
      So homework for all you out there!!!  If your struggling with your "inner demons" how do you fix them?  Is it a quick snap out of it?  Do you need to go talk to someone?  Can you find a song that you relate to and it helps snap you out?  
     I wish everyone out there the best of luck and I know this is just a temporary bump in my life and I thank all of you for always being there for me!!  As much as I would LOVE to throw myself a complete pitty party the reality of the situation is my problems are small in the grand scheme of things.  As much as Epilepsy has messed up our lives at the end of the day it has not destroyed it.  Luckily our peices can be put back together when so many families are just destroyed.  Im lucky, I have a husband who loves me, two amazing children, and the best support system ANYONE could ask for.  Im thankful that I have the means to talk to someone about my problems and husband who wont give up on us.  I will keep you guys updated on Braydon's progress and Mine!!!  Wish us luck!!

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