Good Morning Everyone.
I felt the need to discuss my emotional journey over the past few years. Growing up in a Methodist church I am very well versed in what a "Good Christian" is. But what led me to this point in my life where I became a follower of God? I learned that being a Good Christian and a Follower of God are two very different things.
Prior to Braydons seizure I honestly was losing my faith. A rocky series of events were pushing into me that there was in fact no God. Losing my dad was a huge blow and knowing the life my father lead prior to his death made me question if he went to heaven, if there was one. Not knowing if someone you love went to heaven is a devastating blow to anyone's faith especially one who was already spiritually weak.
So the day Braydon had his seizure and the minutes, hours and days after I prayed every chance I got. Now do I think Braydons seizures were punishment? Absolutely not and I will tell you why later 😉. From that point on my faith began to grow. And continues to grow. I have found my spiritual home. Hickory Point UMC.
We all become the people we are supposed to be as a result of our lives. I believe God wanted me at Hickory Point and this was his plan all along. Since starting at HPUMC I have learned that my dad is more than likely in heaven. I've had several spiritual conversations about it and I'm comfortable with my feelings about it now. Being a part of the youth group allows me to grow spiritually every single day. Some of things have experienced with.this group is nothing short of a miracle.
Braydonss epilepsy has not made me a better Christian it has turned me into the personal I was meant to be. I am still with many.....many flaws but I know i have his love by my side. Braydon is 100% turning out to be this amazing kid/young man. And although his dreams of the marines, army, navy have all been knocked out I just know his plan is greater. This week I was contacted by an old friend of Shawns who knows a few Marines. Those Marines have taken an active interest in Braydon and his story. They are sending several items of their marine "stash" and sending it to Braydon. Those are his angels. I'm not sure they truly know how much that means to our family, but it means so much. Again he may never be a Marine but this path he is being guided on is sure to make him one Hell of a person.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Don't be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of.
Hello All!! Where has the year gone??? School is almost out, bathing suits are ready and the heat is rising!!
Its been a while, I think back to when I started this blog. It was a way to let out all my frustration worries and cares into writing, something I love to do. So lets do re cap of the past few months, good and bad
Braydon had his testing and we got the results. He does have signs of slight temporal lobe damage but not enough to even worry about so that is awesome. Dave Ramsey is saving money for us left and right. My car broke down yesterday and it is a $600 fix, but hey we have it in cash. Thank You Dave. We are anxiously awaiting the start to camp!! Two weeks from Sunday we drop him off.....whoop whoop. Its so funny how much I dreaded taking him and now....now I love it. Because he loves it. SO why the post?? Well hang tight and I will share!!
So when Braydon was a little boy he wanted to be a pilot, well that is obviously never going to happen. Who wants to willingly get on a plane with an epileptic for a pilot? SO then he decided military, man is he excited about going into the military. Well, military enrollment is up, like way up, like discharging people left and right up. Right now the military has the "pick of the liter" Braydon will never be the "pick of the liter" for again obvious reasons. So a few weeks ago my husband finally tells him after a conference with one of his teachers. She told us that in 7th grade he really needs to start focusing on the rest of his life (which I personally believe is a bunch of bull, but whatever) and he needs to know the truth.
That was rough few days FULL of tears and frustration from all of us. One morning before school he came to me crying, he wanted to know why his dreams would never come true. I got a little religious on him (we are going to church now and I feel like he really needed it) and explained our dreams and our plan are two totally different things. God has a plan for us all and unfortunately for you son Gods plan is not including all the things you have mentioned, his plan is greater. Things will fall into place you just have to trust in him.
He told me that morning after our conversation maybe the police force his were he should be, SWAT he said. SO later that day I had a missed call which I didn't check the VM until way later in the evening. It was the Montgomery County Police Department telling me that Braydon was picked to participate in their TEEN citizen police academy camp, I sent in the paperwork months ago and only 30 kids from the area would be picked. Divine intervention? I think so!!
Now Braydon is planning his next few years, looking into high schools that can help further his police career, already picked a college (I agree way to early, but hey whatever keeps him motivated) and cant wait to get started on this amazing journey.
Everyday he is growing up more and more. He is becoming this amazing person because of his epilepsy. God's plan all along was to be this person, the person he is right now at this exact moment and without that epilepsy he wouldn't even be close!! The calender is flying by and I hope everyone takes the time to be the person your supposed to be.
I know someone, her daughter was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Very different illnesses but very similar in the shock, pain and awe of it all. I hope she takes the time to read my blog, not because it will help with the pain and stress but because she will know she is not alone.
Its been a while, I think back to when I started this blog. It was a way to let out all my frustration worries and cares into writing, something I love to do. So lets do re cap of the past few months, good and bad
Braydon had his testing and we got the results. He does have signs of slight temporal lobe damage but not enough to even worry about so that is awesome. Dave Ramsey is saving money for us left and right. My car broke down yesterday and it is a $600 fix, but hey we have it in cash. Thank You Dave. We are anxiously awaiting the start to camp!! Two weeks from Sunday we drop him off.....whoop whoop. Its so funny how much I dreaded taking him and now....now I love it. Because he loves it. SO why the post?? Well hang tight and I will share!!
So when Braydon was a little boy he wanted to be a pilot, well that is obviously never going to happen. Who wants to willingly get on a plane with an epileptic for a pilot? SO then he decided military, man is he excited about going into the military. Well, military enrollment is up, like way up, like discharging people left and right up. Right now the military has the "pick of the liter" Braydon will never be the "pick of the liter" for again obvious reasons. So a few weeks ago my husband finally tells him after a conference with one of his teachers. She told us that in 7th grade he really needs to start focusing on the rest of his life (which I personally believe is a bunch of bull, but whatever) and he needs to know the truth.
That was rough few days FULL of tears and frustration from all of us. One morning before school he came to me crying, he wanted to know why his dreams would never come true. I got a little religious on him (we are going to church now and I feel like he really needed it) and explained our dreams and our plan are two totally different things. God has a plan for us all and unfortunately for you son Gods plan is not including all the things you have mentioned, his plan is greater. Things will fall into place you just have to trust in him.
He told me that morning after our conversation maybe the police force his were he should be, SWAT he said. SO later that day I had a missed call which I didn't check the VM until way later in the evening. It was the Montgomery County Police Department telling me that Braydon was picked to participate in their TEEN citizen police academy camp, I sent in the paperwork months ago and only 30 kids from the area would be picked. Divine intervention? I think so!!
Now Braydon is planning his next few years, looking into high schools that can help further his police career, already picked a college (I agree way to early, but hey whatever keeps him motivated) and cant wait to get started on this amazing journey.
Everyday he is growing up more and more. He is becoming this amazing person because of his epilepsy. God's plan all along was to be this person, the person he is right now at this exact moment and without that epilepsy he wouldn't even be close!! The calender is flying by and I hope everyone takes the time to be the person your supposed to be.
I know someone, her daughter was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Very different illnesses but very similar in the shock, pain and awe of it all. I hope she takes the time to read my blog, not because it will help with the pain and stress but because she will know she is not alone.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records.
Epilepsy
One word, One diagnosis, One eventful Life.
I'm trying to remind myself of the days after Braydon had his seizure. Seems like an eternity ago but in reality just shy of 3 years. Immediately after he had his first seizure I believed he had a brain tumor or something equally as tragic. In my immediate mind he was dying. I know that's horrible to say but as most mothers do I thought the worst.
So a few short days later we were told he had epilepsy. To this day I smile a little bit at the conversation with Dr. Quevaz. I laughed because I was relieved to know he was in fact "fine". Crazy to think that those words calmed me down but they did. The unknown is always worse than knowing what demons you have to fight.
So here I am a few years later, probably a little whiny cause my husband is out of town, bummed. I've told myself since the get go that Braydon would be a normal kid, but he's not no matter how hard I try. Yesterday and today are a perfect example. He started feeling bad yesterday, running a fever, throwing up etc. After taking him to the Dr I should be able to let my 13 year old stay at home for at least an hour or two by himself. Do I "Need" to go to work? No, I'm positive life went on without me, but I wanted to be there even for an hour. But he cant be alone..... We are taking a trip with church this weekend and the bathing suit I ordered Claudia wont be in on time, I need to go get her one.....But he cant be alone. I wanted to pick up his prescriptions and let him rest.....But he cant be alone
Being sick increases his chance of a seizure by 50-75%. This is crazy and luckily he is a pretty healthy kid who very rarely gets sick. These are the little things that frustrate me and remind me that this could always be worse. In two weeks he will be entering into some neuropsychological testing.......and again we are entering into the "unknown demon" territory.
B never throws himself a pitty party and never complains about his problems, he in my heart and mind is pretty amazing. He never complains.....welllllll he is dying to take a bath 🛀 and can't without mom or dad in the bathroom, so he chooses not to lol!! He complains about that a lot!!! But he really has been dealt a crappy hand of cards for the past few years. And he never complains........
In two weeks we enter the unknown again and who knows maybe it will be a different outcome. Maybe this time the answers wont be what I want to hear or who knows maybe they will be exactly what I want to hear. I'm anxious and nervous and ready for our adversity to be over it now I know....to let go. Give it to God cause worry and stressing does not fight the demons. Prayer does....so I'm going to try that for a while, stay tuned I will let you all know how it goes!!!
One word, One diagnosis, One eventful Life.
I'm trying to remind myself of the days after Braydon had his seizure. Seems like an eternity ago but in reality just shy of 3 years. Immediately after he had his first seizure I believed he had a brain tumor or something equally as tragic. In my immediate mind he was dying. I know that's horrible to say but as most mothers do I thought the worst.
So a few short days later we were told he had epilepsy. To this day I smile a little bit at the conversation with Dr. Quevaz. I laughed because I was relieved to know he was in fact "fine". Crazy to think that those words calmed me down but they did. The unknown is always worse than knowing what demons you have to fight.
So here I am a few years later, probably a little whiny cause my husband is out of town, bummed. I've told myself since the get go that Braydon would be a normal kid, but he's not no matter how hard I try. Yesterday and today are a perfect example. He started feeling bad yesterday, running a fever, throwing up etc. After taking him to the Dr I should be able to let my 13 year old stay at home for at least an hour or two by himself. Do I "Need" to go to work? No, I'm positive life went on without me, but I wanted to be there even for an hour. But he cant be alone..... We are taking a trip with church this weekend and the bathing suit I ordered Claudia wont be in on time, I need to go get her one.....But he cant be alone. I wanted to pick up his prescriptions and let him rest.....But he cant be alone
Being sick increases his chance of a seizure by 50-75%. This is crazy and luckily he is a pretty healthy kid who very rarely gets sick. These are the little things that frustrate me and remind me that this could always be worse. In two weeks he will be entering into some neuropsychological testing.......and again we are entering into the "unknown demon" territory.
B never throws himself a pitty party and never complains about his problems, he in my heart and mind is pretty amazing. He never complains.....welllllll he is dying to take a bath 🛀 and can't without mom or dad in the bathroom, so he chooses not to lol!! He complains about that a lot!!! But he really has been dealt a crappy hand of cards for the past few years. And he never complains........
In two weeks we enter the unknown again and who knows maybe it will be a different outcome. Maybe this time the answers wont be what I want to hear or who knows maybe they will be exactly what I want to hear. I'm anxious and nervous and ready for our adversity to be over it now I know....to let go. Give it to God cause worry and stressing does not fight the demons. Prayer does....so I'm going to try that for a while, stay tuned I will let you all know how it goes!!!
Sunday, December 21, 2014
No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.
Its been a while folks!! Sorry things have gone fairly well the past few months but today something happened that made me want to blog. Someone gave me something to talk about today. For the most part my stories are funny and you just cant believe what happened to me. I am that 1% in a million and most times I can laugh about it. Today I couldn't laugh in fact I cried.
Went to Church this morning and we talked about the fact that there is no real peace with the spirit of Christmas. Everyone is so busy and hurried that they forget what Christmas is really about. So after Church I needed to finish a few last minute Christmas things and Shawn took the kids with him to his Moms so I could get things done and it gives me a little "me" time which as a Mom I need way more than I get!!
I was leaving a store and had a few bags. We decided to do Christmas very light this year. We are doing the Dave Ramsey Financial University and all though Dave is taking it easy on me budget wise this season I cant be sloppy with our money. For those of you that don't know we have been noticing some things with Braydon lately at home. After sharing those things with his Neurologist she agreed he needed to have further testing to test his cognitive skills and abilities. Of course we couldn't get in until the beginning of the year which means we will have to pay for the testing out of pocket. It is 6-8 hours worth of testing so I can only really imagine how much we are going to have to pay. At least the first $2600, that's our deductible. It will also have to be paid up front.
To say the very least I'm stressed, I'm tired, and ready for a new year to bring us some much needed luck. Of course with the new year brings higher insurance deductibles, paying more for insurance a month and Shawn spends another year at his company who cant afford to give him a raise. So we are starting the new year out making less money than we did this year. I try not to let everyone see just how stressed I am however today I might have let my stress get the best of me. I was super distracted.
I was walking back to my car (a 1998 blue Chevy Malibu, its old and beat up but it is paid for and its mine) trying to add up what I had just spent with what I needed to keep in the bank and what i still needed to get. Dave keeps me on a tight budget ;). I was walking around a nice SUV when one of my bags accidentally hit the corner of the SUV. The woman (owner of the SUV) who was with her children looked at me with disgust. I apologised for hitting her car double checked to make sure there was no damage (I know there was no damage it was a plastic bag full of underwear and socks). My car was right beside hers.
While I'm loading my car she makes a very loud phone call to who I am guessing was her husband. She informed him that some Welfare Rat had hit her beloved vehicle and she was unsure what to do. I'm assuming the person she was speaking with asked with what because she answered with "her bags". Being called a Welfare Rat peaked my interest, Ive been called alot of things but this was a first. She went on to tell the person how she could not believe that I had done that and that she probably paid for my purchases with the money she pays to welfare.
You re probably wondering what I did at this point...........and I did.......nothing. She really wasn't worth my time. Also at this point I really really wanted to punch her square in the face, however I don't want to explain to anyone why I was arrested. Any ways my point behind this is this
This woman made me feel beneath her. And for what??? Nothing, her SIMPLE (and simple minded) words hurt to my core. But not because they were true but because anyone would assume these things about any one person they just met.
Never assume you know anyone or the life they lead. For the record I am not against welfare for those who need it and I am however very much against ignorance.
Now I plan to completely forget that ANY of this even happened and return to my very happy, very stressful life. Please enjoy your Christmas and please please remember the Christmas spirit.
From my Family to Yours MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!
Went to Church this morning and we talked about the fact that there is no real peace with the spirit of Christmas. Everyone is so busy and hurried that they forget what Christmas is really about. So after Church I needed to finish a few last minute Christmas things and Shawn took the kids with him to his Moms so I could get things done and it gives me a little "me" time which as a Mom I need way more than I get!!
I was leaving a store and had a few bags. We decided to do Christmas very light this year. We are doing the Dave Ramsey Financial University and all though Dave is taking it easy on me budget wise this season I cant be sloppy with our money. For those of you that don't know we have been noticing some things with Braydon lately at home. After sharing those things with his Neurologist she agreed he needed to have further testing to test his cognitive skills and abilities. Of course we couldn't get in until the beginning of the year which means we will have to pay for the testing out of pocket. It is 6-8 hours worth of testing so I can only really imagine how much we are going to have to pay. At least the first $2600, that's our deductible. It will also have to be paid up front.
To say the very least I'm stressed, I'm tired, and ready for a new year to bring us some much needed luck. Of course with the new year brings higher insurance deductibles, paying more for insurance a month and Shawn spends another year at his company who cant afford to give him a raise. So we are starting the new year out making less money than we did this year. I try not to let everyone see just how stressed I am however today I might have let my stress get the best of me. I was super distracted.
I was walking back to my car (a 1998 blue Chevy Malibu, its old and beat up but it is paid for and its mine) trying to add up what I had just spent with what I needed to keep in the bank and what i still needed to get. Dave keeps me on a tight budget ;). I was walking around a nice SUV when one of my bags accidentally hit the corner of the SUV. The woman (owner of the SUV) who was with her children looked at me with disgust. I apologised for hitting her car double checked to make sure there was no damage (I know there was no damage it was a plastic bag full of underwear and socks). My car was right beside hers.
While I'm loading my car she makes a very loud phone call to who I am guessing was her husband. She informed him that some Welfare Rat had hit her beloved vehicle and she was unsure what to do. I'm assuming the person she was speaking with asked with what because she answered with "her bags". Being called a Welfare Rat peaked my interest, Ive been called alot of things but this was a first. She went on to tell the person how she could not believe that I had done that and that she probably paid for my purchases with the money she pays to welfare.
You re probably wondering what I did at this point...........and I did.......nothing. She really wasn't worth my time. Also at this point I really really wanted to punch her square in the face, however I don't want to explain to anyone why I was arrested. Any ways my point behind this is this
This woman made me feel beneath her. And for what??? Nothing, her SIMPLE (and simple minded) words hurt to my core. But not because they were true but because anyone would assume these things about any one person they just met.
Never assume you know anyone or the life they lead. For the record I am not against welfare for those who need it and I am however very much against ignorance.
Now I plan to completely forget that ANY of this even happened and return to my very happy, very stressful life. Please enjoy your Christmas and please please remember the Christmas spirit.
From my Family to Yours MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!
Sunday, March 16, 2014
It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up.
Well........... This week marks two years ago that Braydon had his seizure and that he was diagnosed. He had a seizure yesterday.
I was miles away and dad was with him. There was nothing for me to do but I still went home. This seizure has been a little different than the past ones, he was much more confused than normal coming out of it. He is recovered and the cloudiness was gone with in an hour and he is now fine. He forgot his medicine and I'm hoping that was all it was, but it could be he is out growing his dosage. It could also be the hormone seizures that Dr. Robinson told us to be on the look out for.
We were doing so great and of course this is a major set back. We were looking at August 2015 for weaning from medicine and now it will be at least March 2016 if ever. Dr Robinson reminded us last time any seizure activity this year (meaning in his 12-13 years) would determine whether or not we could ever attempt to take him off of his meds. The later in his life that he continues to have them means it is not juvenile and will continue the rest of his life.
We went about 7 months with nothing. Well, what to do now. Nothing. I notified Dr. Robinson and will email his teachers to let them know the chance of another of the next few days into the next week of two are high and hope and pray nothing happens while he is at school. That's his biggest fear with all of this, having one at school and mom not being there to help. So today we will pick our selves back up and keep an eye out on him and go on with our lives. That's all you can do. Thanks for the texts and calls from family and friends. I appreciate more than you will all ever know!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE
So today is the day we call can remember the things we are thankful for!! I'm so excited to share with all of you the things I am thankful for!!
1) Family- Without them where would I be? Shawn is the best husband. I want to kill him on a daily, but at the end of the day I am spoiled by the amazing man that he is and tend to let the little things annoy me. Braydon and Claudia are the very best children in this world!! They have the best personalities and I love the young adults they are turning into. My mom and Step dad who always are there for me and can make me laugh like no other. My mom especially, she can always make me smile!! My mommy is my everything, I love you mums. My sisters who I can call with any problem and they will listen or tell me when I'm being ridiculous!! My mother in law and My Father in law-AMAZING they take my kids when I need help and they are always the first to jump in and help us when we need it!! And that's just the family that surrounds me.........I'm truly blessed!!
2) In todays economy and job market your an idiot if your not super thankful for your JOB!! With my job you never really know what your going to get!! literally- to beans up the nose, to broken arms, to counseling a parent on an issue.....everyday is an adventure!!! Most days I go home laughing some days in tears but at the end of the day I love my job and ALL the girls I work with. Debby & Lori I cant thank you enough for ALL the opportunities you have given me over the years and I hope that most days I make you proud!! (I know the days I don't....they usually start with me saying "well guys I have something to tell you" hehe)
3) My friends- Wow to all my friends you will never know how much you mean to me. You are my family as well!! I love you guys all SOOOOO much. You are always there for me, listen when I need it, and straighten me out when I need it too. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
4) My home and things I have- I am thankful that I have a husband who works so hard for the things we have. Its not much and I don't drive a fancy car, but we have a nice home. We have nice things and my kids are warm. At the end of the day that is all that matters.
I hope all of you dig deep and find the things you are thankful for as well!!
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.
A couple reason why I haven't posted in a while
1) Nothing has really changed!! WHOOP WHOOP
2) Braydon is doing fantastic!!
The Fowlers are actually in a great place right now. Although all the testing did not give us any more news it shed a light onto his future. It will be a bright one!!
Dr. Robinson is having Shawn and I propose a 5 year plan that will eventually lead him to be behind a steering wheel!! OMG!!! Driving!!!! Tn has very relaxed laws when it comes to Epilepsy and driving so that is good for him, bad for Shawn and I, lol!! Looks like from the days in the hospital that with or without seizure meds he has a lot of seizure discharges going off in his head. The meds seem to keep them from becoming full blown seizures. However this means he is without a doubt on meds for another 2 years. His Doctor is really convinced this will be a life long issue but is willing to try to remove him from seizure meds in 2 years given that there have been no issues.
So in two years we have to decide if we want to even attempt to take him off the meds. I can say we wont do it unless alot of tests convince us that the discharges are gone. Before he gets behind the wheel of a car I better be sure of one of two things, his seizures are well controlled or are gone. It is soooo crazy to me that we are thinking of him driving!!
On a personal note he has his first middle school crush!! Her name is Becca and she has purple strips in her hair!! He asked her via a friend to "date" him and she said she was not allowed to date but if she could he would be her choice. He grinned from ear to ear!!
Although things are much easier I will say that everyday I spend at least 5 minutes thinking of the families who have not been as lucky. The families who are struggling with a new diagnosis or have lost their loved ones to epilepsy.
https://www.facebook.com/#!/AJOforeverinourhearts Take a moment to read or look at this families story!! I'm scared to death that one day my life will come to a crashing halt like theirs, but I don't watch the clock, I keep going!!
Please take time, money or an experience out of you day and spread the word!! #AJO
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