“How did it get so late so soon?” ― Dr. Seuss

We are in the car on our way to camp Carpe Diem!!!  Amazing what a year can do!!  Last year was crazy,  I was super emotional, cried the whole way home!!!   This year I can't wait to drop him off!!!  I know he is so excited and can't wait and all my fears just fall to the side!!

Over the next few months the Fowlers are embarking on many new adventures that both scare me and excite me!!  Life is only one journey,  there are no redo's or rewinds!!  You have to embrace it and do what you can with the time you have!!!

Everyone have a super safe Memorial Day weekend and I hope you choose to embrace life and remember its only one life!!!   Thank you to all the soldiers who's life was cut short so I can embrace mine!!!!

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.



My baby on the day of his Middle School Tour

 

 

 

It is so incredibly scary to think how quickly your children actually grow up.  In a few short months he will be in Middle School!!  OH MY GOSH!!!

 

There were many times when B was little that I just knew he was destined for great things.  Anyone who has meet the kid knows he has passion and determination.  He is so emotional and loving.  Unfortunately we have to tell him this year there is no Santa, being naive is one of his best traits.  However being naive and being in middle school scares the holy bejesus out of me!!

 

Since the discovery of Epilepsy and his dreams of being a pilot were crushed he has been dead set on being in the military.  Which as a mother scares me and makes me so very proud at the same time. 

 

 

To think that one day Braydon will be saving the lives of the American people by risking his own scares me.  Don't get me wrong I'm proud, but very scared.  He is very excited about things like JROTC and other activities. 

 

Any way, he is so grown up and it is scary.  So to all you out there who still have little ones......record every moment, cherish every minute, and remember every little thing you can.

 

Don't let life get you to busy that you don't take the time to see the little things in life.  Take the time to be a mom or dad............

 

 

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.

WHAT A DAY!!!!

 

 

       Well today was our one year visit with Dr. Robinson to get Braydon's noggin checked out.  Last month Shawn and I attended an Epilepsy Syporium in which Dr. Robinson spoke.  We learned alot including that 99% of people who are diagnosed with Epilepsy are only diagnosed after 2 or more seizures.  Well, of course this got me to thinking, we had jumped the gun and started meds when they were not needed.  So in true E style I do a TON of research and just as we were told 99% of all patients are diagnosed after two or more seizures.  So I went into today I had high hopes that we would hear today that we could try without meds for a while.........and I was disappointed!!  BUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

     So here is what I learned today

 

                       Idiopathic Generalized Epilepsy is his diagnosis, I also learned that he was diagnosed past the window of time in which he could "grow out of it".  Which that is something we had been told last time so that was not that new.  Here is a break down of what we were told from the Dr.

 

 Idiopathic generalized epilepsies (IGEs) constitute one third of all epilepsies. They are genetically determined and affect otherwise normal people of both sexes and all races. IGEs manifest with typical absences, myoclonic jerks, and generalized tonic-clonic seizures, alone or in varying combinations and severity. Absence status epilepticus (ASE) is common. Most syndromes of IGE start in childhood or adolescence, but some have an adult onset. They are usually lifelong, although a few are age-related. The EEG is the most sensitive test in the diagnosis and confirmation of IGE. EEG shows generalized discharges of spikes, polyspikes, or spike/polyspike-waves either ictally or inter-ictally. These discharges are often precipitated by hyperventilation, sleep deprivation, and intermittent photic stimulation (IPS). Inconspicuous clinical manifestations become apparent on video-EEG and with breath counting during hyperventilation. The EEG is unlikely to be normal in untreated patients. In suspected cases with a normal routine awake EEG, an EEG during sleep and awakening should be obtained. Molecular genetic analyses have led to important breakthroughs in the identification of candidate genes and loci; genetic heterogeneity is common.

 

 

     Dr. Robinson took her time with me today when she noticed my disappointment.  She actually she showed me his EEG today.  I was told that the "spikes" that they are referring to are spikes in the brain waves.  He had a 90 minute EEG, during which they have him go to sleep.  During the 10 minutes he was asleep he "spiked" 8 times and spiked a total of 48 times.  That's in 90 minutes that his brain hit "seizure spikes".  I guess I realized that this was alot when the original Dr diagnosed him but to actually see it so much more real. 

 

     Realistically Braydon will be battling Epilepsy the rest of his life and Man do I hate that for him.  However Dr. Robinson told me if we can keep him seizure free for the next year we will start weening him from all meds.  We are now only having to go and see her every 6 months which is nice.  We don't go back until October 15th, she wants to wait until he is 12. 

 

     My fear.......  Later this year he is starting Middle School.......and man kids can be cruel.  I'm scared to death that he is entering a huge battle.  She agreed that next year we will reevaluate the EEG and re take one and try but man a year is a long time.  If he has a seizure at school or if children find out he is Epileptic my fear is he will be picked on. I realize I cant fight all of his battles, but I'm scared to death for him.  Hopefully middle school will be his time to shine and I'm making mountains out of Mole hills!!!

 

     I'm just being a Debby Downer tonight because I did not get my way......tomorrow will be different and I will be back to my optimistic self!!!



“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”

     Well what can I say other than what a day!!  This week marks our one year of Braydons seizure and epilepsy diagnosis.  Over the year I have gained a few followers here on my blog so for those that do not know my job I am the quality assurance director of an amazing early childcare center and preschool.  Today was a major blow to my senses.

     A small child whom I know on a personal level suffered a seizure.  Let me first start and say that we as a center rock our emergency's and again today we worked as a team and with AMAZING strength got through it.  This little girl has been a part of my life even before she even arrived on this earth.  Her mother and father I love dearly and their other children are a part of this family.  They have celebrated every birthday with both of my children and they are an amazing family.

     What I felt was tremendous fear for her mother.  Anxiety.  Stress.  Pain.   The list could go on and on.  Is this mother going to face the toughest year of her life?  Will she feel the same way I do?  The list of questions go on and on.  But it stirred an emotion in me that I cannot explain.  Just yesterday I had posted this on Facebook  

Yesterday was an important day in the Fowler household!! It was one year ago yesterday that Braydon had his seizure that lead to his diagnosis of Epilepsy!! Please always know seizure first aid as I will always remember the two woman who helped Braydon that day, they were his angels that day!! Maybe one day you can help someone as well!!!

 

     Little did I know it would be me having to deal with someone having a seizure.  Little did I know that I would hold a small child in my arms waiting on the Ambulance to meet mom at the hospital and it NEVER crossed my mind that it would be someone who I cared so much about. 

 

     The little girl is home with mom and dad and sleeping last I heard.  I hope her mother gets the answers that she needs.  I am glad that I was the one who could be there and even more glad that I could try to comfort someone with Braydons story, although every story is just as heart breaking.  I am also OK, like the others who were there and helped I probably wont get much slept over the next few days.  It is traumatizing without question no matter who it is.  But we will all be OK because we are all a team, from the directors to the teachers to the parents and even the children.  That's what makes us great!!

 



If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

This is me as of April 2012!!  If anything I have gained weight since this picture!!  Over the past few weeks I have had a few health issues that indirectly all go back to my weight.  Some genetics, some just bad luck but at the end of the day if I watched what I ate then I would be healthier. 

     Don't get me wrong I am very happy with me.  I love a lot about myself (not to sound like an ass) but I love love love my hair, my boobs are pretty awesome and I have beautiful eyes.  But I want to be a healthier me.  I want to be able to run miles.  I want to be able to not worry whether or not I can "fit" in certain things. 

    I am a lover of life, I love to grab life by the horns and run with it like my shoes are on fire.  But my weight has hindered this for me.  Today start a better me, today starts the healthy me!!  I want to weigh what I did pre children which to be honest is A LOT of weight to shed.  However I can do it!!  I know I can.

     So today I change the unhealthy me which makes me change my habits and my attitude!!  What are you going to change?  What do you not like that you could also change??

We are not given a good life or a bad life. We are given a life. It’s up to us to make it good or bad.

Well........

          We are coming up on that year mark of the day that will forever change my life.  March 11th 2013 will mark one year since the start of Braydons Tonic Clonic seizures and a few days after that his diagnosis of Epilepsy. 

     Over the year I have learned a few things about Braydon, myself, my family and my friends.  Today I want to share those!!

         I learned that Braydon is TOUGH with no doubt.  I learned that he is an amazing child.  He is not letting this bet him.  All though he gets very depressed at times, he is shining like a bright bright star.  His schooling has actually improved over the year and he has done better.  He is my boy wonder.....he is my amazing little man. 

     I learned that I need to be better about taking care of me.  I had to start some medications to "balance" myself out and to be honest I never realized how bad I needed them until I realized the sane person I could be while taking them!!LOL!!   I learned I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be and I feel as though I am a better person.  I also have learned that the stress, anxiety, and poor life style I have been living is without a doubt affecting my health and I will be a healthier person by this time next year!

     My Family-  they are ALWAYS there for me and make me laugh and smile when I need it.  Claudia and Shawn have dealt with a lot this year as well and I thank them for being patient with me.  I think sometimes that they are the two sane ones in the loony bin!!  :)  My mom, sisters, in laws, and work(who by the way are family as well) have stood by and let me cry when I needed, let me vent when I needed and have told me when I'm being unreasonable and or crazy!!

    My friends-  I learned this year about true friendship and I will tell you it is the BEST feeling in the world!!  To know that I have people who will catch me when I fall, and have caught me several times over the year is the best feeling in the world.  To know that someone loves you cause they want to and not because they have to is amazing.  I love you guys very much!!

      So what Have I really learned this year????

     To live the life that I want.  To not worry about what others think or what others will do.  To love with ALL of my might and to learn to sit back and enjoy it.  I will make my life and the life of those I love the best I can!! 

The end of the roughest year of my life.....hello 2013

Oh you know me, I'm the life of the party

Beautiful people surround me

Everybody falling in love

Oh you know me, everybody knows that I'm crazy

Sticks and stones, they never break me

And I'm the type that don't give a care
And that's just the half of it

You saw the half of it

Yeah this the life I live

And that's just the half of it

 

    Well, it certainly has not been my favorite year of my thirty years of life.  I can say with all my strength and being that I kept my head held high as often as I could and I did my best to make it through a very dark cloud of a year.  SO we are going to hit some highlights of the year in this post and then some of the darker days!!  I'm going to hit what i think was important!!

 

* Positive-  Shawn and I survived without killing each other!!LOL!!  Some may think that is a small feat but in reality it was not at all.  When your family dynamics are thrown into a tail spin it is hard to hold on to each other and learn to lean on each other.  We did and we are doing much better.  We had a few very rough spots and I was not sure we would survive, but we did.  I hope he knows how much he means to me...I am sure he does but in case he doesn't if you see him let him know how much I love him!!  :)  He does not read my blog!!

 

 

*Positive-   Braydon found strength in places I never thought he would.  He is a TRUE inspiration to me and I hope he never forgets that.                      

   

*Positive-  My family is still whole.  That is a huge deal!!  So many family's break up just because and we withstood a rough year. 

 

Sorry....But Damn I have a good looking family!!  ;)  You cant deny that!!LOL!!

 

Those are just a few of my positives.  There were many more, but those were the ones I wanted to share. 

 

 

My negative of the year was Braydon being diagnosed with Epilepsy.  I know to most of you it is no big deal, especially now that we have it so under control.  My heart Breaks every time he sees an airplane fly by and he says I will fly a plane one day.  I have explained and explained he wont but he wont give up on that dream.  Who knows maybe I'm the one who is wrong but at the end of the day no parent wants to see their child not be able to accomplish their dreams.  My heart breaks everyday at the things he will be told he cant do.  The mood swings from the meds, no sleepovers, the being made fun of....I mean the list goes on and on.....So for my 2013 goals....

 

 

*I will educate on Epilepsy on behalf of Braydon.  Education reduces ignorance on the subject which will help reduce the "making fun". 

* Properly prepare Braydon for the next years to come.  The Dr has told us the teenage years will be bad with hormones changing, his resistance to taking meds that make him feel funny, and the normal teenage years!!

*Remember that Claudia needs just as much attention.  I forgot that this year and I think she has been a little more difficult to deal with as a result. 

 

 

To be honest I'm afraid of what 2013 holds for us.  But I do know that no matter what i have the support of everyone.  You have all been my strength and I appreciate it more than you all will ever know!!

 

Wish us luck Braydon starts middle school this year!! LORDY  Middle School!!!

 Here are some pics from an "eventful" year!!

 

Happy New Year Everyone, May 2013 be everything you want it to be!!!